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Here’s what I thought about Coachella this year, broken down into convenient list form:

TOP 5 ACTS AT COACHELLA 2011

1. Arcade Fire
2. Mumford & Sons
3. Cage the Elephant
4. Elbow
5. Ms. Lauryn Hill

SING ALONGS

1. The entire set for Mumford & Sons
2. The entire set for Kanye
3. “King of Spain” by The Tallest Man on Earth
4. “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked” by Cage the Elephant
5. “Wake Up” by Arcade Fire

BEST ON-STAGE PROPS

3. Sleigh Bells Jordan-esque jersey
4. PJ Harvey’s headdress
5. The Morning Benders’ on-stage painters
6. Cage the Elephant’s red dress

MOST OVERCROWDED SHOWS

1. Yelle (!)
2. Foals
3. Sleigh Bells
4. Kanye West (even on the main stage)
5. The National

BIGGEST BUSTS

1. Cee-Lo Green arrives more than ½ hour late, casually explains it’s because he “just landed”, then takes his time dialing in four songs before getting the plug bulled on him.
2. The only guests who get on stage with Kanye are Bon Iver and Pusha T despite Rihanna and Katy Perry both sitting in VIP. WTF?
3. The redesign of the Sahara Tent was heavily hyped but very few DJs used the huge new set of screens leaving us with the same old uninspired techno.
4. Day Three was the lowest number of truly amazing performances I can remember at Coachella.

TOP REQUESTS FROM ARTISTS TO THEIR AUDIENCES

1. Put our hands in the air
2. Sing along if we know the words
3. Make some noise (generally followed by a request to be a bit louder)
4. Indicate if we’d like to hear another one
5. Let them see us dance
6. Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
7. Have a good rest of the festival

ONLY ARTISTS I SAW WHO DID NOT, AT SOME POINT IN THEIR SET, YELL OUT “COACHELLA!!”

1. The National (they’re above that sort of thing)
2. Kanye West (this isn’t about us, it’s about him!)
3. Phantogram (would have disturbed their carefully crafted mood)
4. PJ Harvey (never even occurred to her to pander)
5. Tame Impala (didn’t even realize there was an audience in front of them)

A BREAKDOWN OF ALL STAGE DIVES WITNESSED (AND WHERE)

Foals / Mojave Tent

Delta Spirit / Outdoor Theater

Cage the Elephant / Outdoor Theater

CSS / Mojave Tent

The National / Outdoor Theater

WHAT THE HIPSTERS ARE UP TO THESE DAYS

4. Making heart signs with both their hands\
6. Coca-Cola shirts (?)

CELEBS PERSONALLY SPOTTED

1. Aziz Ansari
2. Kirsten Dunst checking out The Felice Brothers away from the VIP section!
3. Usher with two massive bodyguards
4. Andrew VanWyngarden from MGMT

COMPARED TO LAST YEAR

making out

drug related incidents

glow sticks

glow suits

females writing sexually forward things directly on their bodies

temperature

Charlie Sheen “winning” T-shirts worn

Time allowed for set-up between acts

Late set starts

TWEETABLE RECAPS OF EVERY SHOW  I SAW (IN THE ORDER I SAW IT)

SCALE
5 An all time classic that will be talked about for years to come

4 Absolutely incredible

3 Really quite good

2 Decent but disappointing

1 Awful

DAY ONE

!!!

3.5

One long groove with white boy dancing so bad it’s good.

Titus Andronicus

4

Clash-style rock with Civil War-referencing lyrics. Add harmonica.

The Morning Benders

2.5

Good tunes but a bit lifeless

Cee-Lo Green

2

Throw a diva fit for not getting a later slot and started so late that Coachella pulled the plug on him after four songs that he merely dialed in. “Fuck You”, indeed.

Tame Impala

2.5

Took a great album and played it note for note live without most of the faster stuff.

Ms. Lauryn Hill

4

Known for hit-and-miss performances recently, she totally delivered . The best set of Day One.

Cold War Kids

3.5

Nathan’s voice sounds as fantastic live as it does on record.  “Sermons vs. the Gospel” was the highlight.

Sleigh Bells

3.5

Not enough is played live but the lead singer completely owned the stage and the crowd with her presence.

Brandon Flowers

2.5

Melodramatic and poor Brandon, despite his hipster mariachi costumer, still lacks charisma.

The Black Keys

4

Watching two dudes play the blues at primetime on the main stage was incredible.

Kings of Leon

3

Way too heavy on the new stuff and they never seem to excited to be playing but sounded good nevertheless.

Robyn

3

Great entrance and the hits were fun but didn’t turn into the out-of-control dance party I’d hoped for.

Scala & the Kalacny Bros.

3

A Belgian girls choir that covers alternative hits. The crowds bolting for the exits when they switched to original songs proved their novelty appeal.

The Chemical Brothers

2.5

Just couldn’t hold my attention on the main stage without playing the hits.

DAY TWO

The Tallest Man on Earth

3

An absolutely adoring crowd that cheered wildly with just a man and acoustic guitar on stage. Awesomely unexpected.

Foals

3.5

Put on a rock show that helped me understand the hype coming from across the Atlantic

Delta Spirit

3

Were having fun and sounding tight despite scoring the midday Outdoor Theater “death slot”

Cage the Elephant

4

Absolutely roared through the entire set (while the singer wore a red dress). Everything I’d seen at Coachella this year suddenly paled in comparison.

Jenny and Johnny

3

Put a bass around Jenny Lewis and I’m already happy. End with “The Next Messiah” and I’m even happier.

Yelle

4

Exactly the dance party I expected Robyn to be. People spilling out the tent on all sides. This year’s most unexpected surprise.

Elbow

4

Stunningly gorgeous with songs that soared. Like U2 without a God complex.

The Kills

3

Fuzzed out rock that held my interest long enough until I was ready to move on.

Mumford & Sons

4.5

Mumford & Sons absolutely crushed the impossibly high expectations set for them with a heartfelt set that had the crowd enthralled during both quiet and loud.

Big Audio Dynamite

3.5

Energetically worked their way through a surprisingly long list of hits for the old people in the audience.

The Felice Brothers

3

The singer was either unhappy or f’d up and drained the energy the rest of the band was building. But “Frankie’s Gun!” with a drunk Conor Oberst and destroyed washboard made up for it all.

Raphael Saadiq

3.5

Solid as ever, even wearing a turtleneck in the desert. Unfortunately had to leave to get to Arcade Fire.

Arcade Fire

5

Even with all the hype, they still surprise and overdeliver every single time. There is no better live act in music today.

DAY THREE

Green Velvet

1

1 means it was awful and this was awful.

fun.

2

A bad start to day three. The singer went for the high note on a cover of Queen’s “Radio Ga Ga” and missed it.

OFF!

2.5

Quick hardcore punk songs punctuated by spoken rants against everything from the US role in 9/11 to Vons (leave Vons out of this!)

CSS

3

Tirelessly energetic show with the singer spending as much time in the audience as she did on stage.

Wiz Khalifa

3.5

Only heard two songs but when those two are “Roll Up” and “Black and Yellow” and he nails them it makes for all killer-no filler.

Nas & Damian Marley

4

A set without a single down moment and a crowd singing “Could You Be Loved” to finish.

Fistful of Mercy

3.5

Ben Harper was brilliant as usual and watching Dhani Harrisson sing was eerily similar to watching his father George.

The National

3.5

Totally polished and beautiful though it never quite made it to transcendent.

Duran Duran

3

Only saw the three song close which was as big, cheesy, and enjoyable as I’d hoped.

Chromeo

3.5

Got the crowd dancing from the first notes. Never stopped. Fun was clearly their only objective.

Phantogram

3.5

Kept a  dark, mysterious mood going the entire set and sounded far more experienced than a new act should.

PJ Harvey

3.5

Clearly a pro who can captivate an audience even by opening with a three song run featuring herself on zither.

Kanye West

4

Not surprisingly, the most complex to review. It started with a completely masterful spectacle of pure self-indulgence and went through a breathtaking run of hits starting off with “Dark Fantasy”, “POWER” and “Jesus Walks”. And it was clear Kanye was spitting his heart out – he watned this to be a show to remember. But after a while, the tragic downfall of King Kanye storyline he’d drawn for himself got tiresome and his final three songs lacked energy and left the crowd confused there wasn’t anything more. (That was way more than 160 characters but. when it’s Kanye, excess is allowed)