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Unfortuntately,  I only made it to the first day this year so let’s hope my concert-going colleagues will follow up with their take on the other two days.  Here’s my take on Friday – the day you couldn’t throw a glo-stick without hitting someone dressed in oversized sunglasses and lace stockings.

THE LISTS

DAY ONE, RANKED

1. Jamie Lidell
2. Raphael Saadiq
3. The Walkmen
4. Drive-By Truckers
5. The Black Keys
6. Matt & Kim
7. Devo
8. Lady Gaga

COACHELLA VS. LOLLAPALOOZA SMACKDOWN

Category: Weather.  Winner: Tie (Coachella has dryer heat but Lolla had merciful clouds)

Category: Field condition.  Winner: Coachella by a Grant Park mudslide

Category: Surroundings.  Winner: Lolla (Coachella has palm trees and mountains but Lolla has a postcard Chicago skyline)

Category: Accessability/Convenience.  Winner: Lolla. So easy to get in. When exiting, you walk right out and take over Michigan Avenue vs. waiting for two confused cops from Palm Springs to try and control things.

Category: Layout.  Winner: Coachella. Takes far far less time to get to stages.

Category: Crowd control  Winner: Coachella. No bottlenecks at stairs and could people walk around Buckingham Fountain any slower?

Category: Party atmosphere  Winner: Lolla. Beer every twenty paces (much like the rest of Chicago) and you run into everyone you know.

Category: Crowd.  Winner: Coachella. Far fewer obnoxious drunks and people who want to listen to music instead of try to talk over it.

Category: Food.  Winner: Lolla. Much shorter lines and having Graham Elliott curate who serves is a genius idea.

Category: Perry Farrell sightings.  Winner: Tie. Zero at either festival this year. Hooray!

Category: Scheduling.  Winner: Coachella. More staggered sets vs. Lolla who puts too many big acts directly opposite each other.

Category: Cell reception.  Winner: Coachella. Which is surprising.

Category: The music.  Winner: Too close to call!

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MESSAGES I’D LIKE TO DELIVER

To the guy in the flip-flops: You can’t really get upset if someone gives you a flat tire while 80,000 people are trying to move from one side of Grant Park to the other. You chose to wear those. Deal with it.

To the couple whose 2 year-old was totally sunburned: If I had cell service, I might have called Child Protection Services

To the Director of Sponsorships: I’m sure Sony offered up good money to name both a stage and tent after the same product. But it’s frustrating as hell to show up thinking you’re about to watch The Constellations and instead end up in a tent of video cameras with your real destination now a 15 minute walk in the other direction.

To the guy at The Black Keys talking about when he’ll make Partner: Take your buddy out to a bar. I’ll be happy to even pick up the tab. But don’t push all the way up only to loudly express your career ambitions while Dan Auerbach is singing mournfully of his troubled soul.

To the guy shouting out requests to play “Paparazzi” after every song of Lady Gaga’s set: She can’t really hear you from back here. Also, it’s one of her biggest hits. Relax. The odds are good she’ll play it.

To everyone at Lady Gaga who tried squeezing by me by explaining their friend is “just right up there”: No they’re not.

To Lady Gaga: We get it. You played here two years ago and people didn’t like you and now you’re headlining. It really is a great story. Just not in-between every other song.

To myself: Music festivals charge money for things like food and water. Don’t forget your wallet next time. Your wallet for crissakes! Also, stop complaining.

WHAT YOU MISSED (IN THE ORDER YOU MISSED IT)

SCALE
5 An all time classic that will be talked about for years to come

4 Absolutely incredible

3 Really quite good

2 I mean, not bad

1 Awful

The Walkmen

3.5

I’m actually not a huge fan but they just sounded excellent. The lead singer sings his heart out and the horn section gave some songs an almost Mariachi feel. Plus I always have heart for bands that grind it out in the midday heat. Great set.

Raphael Saadiq

4

I fall for the “soul ensemble in matching suits” thing every single time but Saadiq backed it up with solid tunes and a ridiculous amount of charisma. Completely owned the main stage early in the day – an incredibly hard thing to do.

Drive-By Truckers

3

They never disappoint. Only regret was that the crowd didn’t seem very in to it.

DEVO

2.5

Fun to recognize almost every song. Just wish they breathed a bit more life into them (I know, they aren’t men. They are Devo.) “Uncontrollable Urge” was a highlight though.

Matt & Kim

2.5

They have a ton of energy and, man, are they happy. They make The Polyphonic Spree seem goth by comparison. Just not crazy about the tunes (minus the excellent “Daylight”) and playing hip hop covers just because you know you’ll get the applause feels a bit exploitive, doesn’t it?

The Black Keys

3

Always sound excellent and it’s great to see their success grow, getting an evening slot on a big stage. But they don’t really have the stage presence to pull that off. Get them back onto the smaller stages where they shine and we’ll pack the joint.

Jamie Lidell

4.5

I was worried at the start with almost no crowd and sound issues. But Lidell never seemed fazed, instead singing his heart out and turning in the day’s best set. The backing band was tight but watching Lidell helm a sound board, adding effects, beats, and tweak that amazing voice was the highlight. In no time, the crowd had arrived and not one person was standing still.

Lady Gaga

2

Poor Gaga. She was trying sooo hard to please. And when she just settled in and did the songs it was as much fun as it should have been. “Speechless” was great, new song “You and I” was a highlight, and “Bad Romance” was a dance party. But the rest was like a summer blockbuster: all flash and no substance. Part Tony Robbins self-help class (“I was a loser and look now! You too can be just like me!”), part terribly acted church play, part Rocky Horror Picture show rip-off (“We’re all freaks at the Monster’s Ball!”). This was 45 minutes of material stretched into a 2 hour set that lost all momentum and had even the faithful around me begging her to get on with it.